Zoom In

     As I sit on my bed and veg out on the computer I'm reminded of a simple picnic I had not to long ago with a dear friend. Yes, I call it a simple picnic, but it was simple in the best way. All the elements were present- good food (KFC babaaay!), beautiful weather, an estimated 20 shirtless tanned guys playing volleyball :), the company of my Mandy, and time spent with her being real with eachother. Aaaaaaaaah.

     We both walked away from our picnic that day with an inside joke. Throughout our time together Mandy tried to discreetly take pictures of the shirtless volleyballers mentioned above, and by discreet I mean she turned her back to the guys and took pictures without actually seeing what she capturing on film. I tried to help direct and told her to zoom in, but Mandy gave up abruptly and indiscreetly began snapping shots. Good times :) Now either one of us can say the phrase zoom in relative to anything and laugh knowing how it came to be and what it was originally referring to.

     Looking back and reflecting on our time I realize it wasn't just a good time spent eating food and checking out guys, but it was also a time spent zooming in on eachother lives and catching snapshots of our real selves. We got to know eachother more and be real with where were at in life, give advice and be vulnerable with one another among the laughter and jokes. As I grow older and change, and be, and love, and fail, I realize that knowing a person never stops. A relationship with a person should only grow deeper and deeper. Easier said than done.

But I am blessed to have made friends and kept them......most of them.

Here's to one that has lasted. Love you Mandy!

Aaaaaaaaaah!

    Aaaaaaaaah.....as in an aaaaaah of satisfaction after a much needed cup of coffee or a sit after a long day on ones feet. My crazy summer is coming to a close and I'm heading into a season of some structured chaos. School starts on the 20th this month, I'm finally settling into a routine at my new job, planning for youth ministry this fall has begun.


aaaaaaaah structured chaos, messy routine, plans bound to change at any moment......

I'm SO ready! and Excited!

In the midst of any stabilty that I have in this season will be what I am anticipating to be a tearful goodbye to a good friend from Germany, a concert with my fav band Vampire Weekend, and everything that comes with being appointed my best friends Maid of Honor! All this and so more to come that I don't see!

Thankfully, during worship last night God showed me a picture of my life in the form of a calendar. And each day was marked. Even though I can't see everything before me God has planned each day of my life. He's a good dad and in that I can find peace and rest.

With that said I am now free to enjoy my life to the fullest not worrrying about the day ahead because God has a plan and He has my back. ;)

My life is GOOD!

A moment of quiet

My life has never been louder than it is right now, than it has been this past summer........

My life has been full and hectic, chaotic, unpredictable. Sometimes there is a plan, but most of the time there isnt one and thats ok with me.

The noise of relationships, new experiences, conquered fears, frustrating road blocks, life choices, petty complaints, renewed passion, endless joy.......

My days are so full of noise, my days are so loud that the night comes and I barely remember what I had for breakfast- wait did I even have breakfast today? - oh yeah it was a single fresh out of the oven chocolate chip cookie with melted caramel in the middle. Life is good.

But now finally I have a moment of quiet all to myself.

Aaaaaaaaaaaah, absolutely nothing!

Among all the noise there has been no static. Their has been no offending noise or disruption. The ups and downs are my life and finally I'm living it.

But for now I will enjoy the my quiet moment.

Who knows what exciting adventure I will encounter tomorrow, or what sort of disappointment might overtake me.

Either way I'm ready.

If it weren't for the noise I wouln't appreciate the quiet.

I heard it from C. S. Lewis

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket of coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless,- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irreedemable. To love is to be vulnerable.
                                                                                             -C. S. Lewis


If my heart broke a thousand times I know I would never stop loving. I might get stuck for a bit, but with the help of another love I would make my way out of the mud. Thank you C. S. Lewis for summing up what  I have known to be true, but didnt have the word to express. I have given my heart away and have had it returned broken.  I have given my heart away and recieved joy and peace and comfort in return. I have also tried to keep my heart- hide from everyone. But I have come to know that their is no fulfillment in that plan of action. To love is my first priority.

I have been told by many that I am easy to love.

Its about time I gave back.

Blessed

I have some money saved.......

I also have a broken break light and turn signal of which I have gotten the bulbs changed...twice......

My car has an electrical problem.

My mom is dating an electrician.

Thank you Jesus for providing :)

My savings are saved for another day.

Maybe I will buy a laptop, maybe I will buy an amp, maybe I will buy will buy A/C for my car.....

who knows? God knows.

He is in control of my finances

:)

SURPRISE!

Today was a good day! :) Those days are my favorite, the days where you have a plan but dont expect much from it. But then BAM the goodness of each experience surprises you and you're smiling when you didn't think you had a smile in you, you're laughing when you thought you had lost your joy, and your loving even in the midst of the hurt and the healing process.

I can't wait for tomorrow!

relationships

This song says it all.




I have nothing more to say.

he told me there would be a scar......

It seems the closer I get to God the harder life gets.

Healing has begun, deep healing, but it has come at a cost.

At church today I almost missed my opportunity for a prayer that could make a difference.  I didn't respond at the appointed response time and I thought I missed my chance. Thankfully, the preaching couple were still takin prayers even after the crew was tearing down. I stepped up to the plate and they prayed. They spoke healing over me. They spoke great stuff, heavy stuff. They spoke freedom, and life......and then it came......he said after all is said and done after the healing.....that there would be a scar. There would be a scar in place of the deep crack that the Lord has brought healing too.

I don't know how I feel about that, but I can't stop the process now.

Never Shout Never

If there were a white boy version of me i would be the lead singer of Never Shout Never

A change is gonna come

Nothing is what it used to be, nothing looks like I thought it would or should.

Everything is a mess, I'm unorganized, doubting myself, eating crap and not gaining a pound (YES!)

This is my life. If I had my own bratty way I would still eat crap, have no responsibilities, no accountability, all I would do is read, write, play my piano and sleep.

Instead I live and I screw things up along the way.

But a day of change is coming. Someday I will get it right, not perfect.....right. And those things that hold me back won't anymore.

Life is a process. As much as I hate the process,

here I go,

taking it one day at a time.

fireside chats

Last night I told my youth pastor that I had big plans. I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was when she asked me what my big plans were. She's someone I'm not afraid to honest with so I told her the truth. I told her that my big plan is to change the world.

I think I'm crazy because I believe that I really can make a difference, make a significant impact upon the world.

I think my youth pastor is crazy too.....because she believes in me.

But thats all I need, just one person to believe in what I believe.

We'll take on the world together and the best part is, is that their is grace on both our lives. I want to change the world by next week, but if that doesn't happen, if my goal isn't reached by next Thursday.......that's ok. I'll pick myself up and try again, day after day, however many days it takes.

I will change the world before I die.

And the best part is, is that when the end comes no one will see me. Who will be seen is Jesus and how he used me.

Nothing can hold me back, not my fear or insecurity, not the disbelief of a thousand people.
Its the belief of one, anyone really, that matters, that makes a difference to me.

For those skeptics out there, I will be the first to admit that I didn't change the world today, but the world is still turning which means another opportunity, another day to try. Your disbelief doesn't help me, nor does it hurt me. But I'm not looking for your help.....

I can do all things though Christ who strengthens me.

.....

to the ends of the earth I go

.....

what do you say?

I'd really like to know what a person should say to someone who isn't just discouraged, but losing hope.

I know how to encourage discouraged people, but when I encounter hopelessness I'm speechless. Is there a level above encouragement that I can tap into? Cuz I find that when I encounter a hopeless person my initial reaction is to change the subject. The heaviness over the person wins because I can't think of a response that is good enough, that will make things better, that will lighten the mood.

I'd like to make a difference in these people's lives, but I've hit a road block.

HELP!

just keepin it real

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I haven't come across many songs that cause me to feel and empathize with the lyrics, but here is one. you just cant fake the emotion and the honesty the is conveyed in the lyrics and the music. jeff buckley know how to keep it real.

i hope someday that i can play this song and do it justice.

love life

I noticed a question that was posed on facebook not too long ago. It was "Is it better to be feared or loved?"

To my surprise a few said it is better to be feared. 

Those that said it was better to be feared attributed their perspective to survival, to experience. Life has taught them to survive. That the world we live in is a dog eat dog world. That its the survival of the fittest, that love has no place....that love is weakness. Tragically, these people's belief in love has died and as a result they have turned to being feared as a way of life, a way of protecting themselves. Fear has become their shield, their wall of Jericho and certainly the person inside never comes out, nor does anyone come in. 

On the outside I imagine these people look strong and hard and confident, but I believe that they are truly broken on the inside with deep wounds and scars marring their heart. Desperate to try anything but love they have picked up fear thinking if they can keep people at arm's length, maybe they won't get hurt like that again. The truth is that fear will leave you dry, and lonely, and hopeless. 

What is more powerful than love? I believe that  love is the strongest shield a person could have and the greatest risk a person could take. Love is choosing to live your life rather than operate in survival mode. Love is the sticking power in relationships. I cannot comprehend the choice to be feared over love. How can one doubt love when it is seen in action everyday? Mothers and fathers sacrificing for their children, best friends playing scrabble on the couch, brothers riding bikes together, tears cried for a friend in need, a door held open for a stranger, that is love. 

I am loved, more than i deserve. And so I love in return to the best of my ability. 

I choose love over fear. 

I choose life over survival. 

I choose taking a risk over coping out.

My choice to love has always been the harder road. But the rewards have always been worth it in the end.